Well Hey There! It's Been Awhile...

Song of the day: Changes by Langhorne Slim & The Law

Well hello beautiful people of the world!

It has been a long time. It's been nearly three whole months I believe...or maybe just under? Anyways its been awhile and that is my fault.

Recap on my life:

1) I finished my internship as a content writer for an activity holiday agency

2) I flew to Rome for five days

3) I started dating a person

4) I went back and forth to N.Ireland

5) I jetted back to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for three weeks

6) Work, work, work, work, work

7) Game of Thrones

All in all a very eventful few months.

There's been a great myriad of things that have happened. Funny thing is, you don't even realise how much can happen to you in a few months until you sit with a cup of tea and reflect back.

Summer is like that though isn't it? I don't know why but Summer is just that season where you tend to plan the most things. If you live in London like me, you wait for those few short days or weeks (if we're lucky) of sunny sun sun bliss where it's clear blue skies and everyone is looking for their favourite beer garden to drink until the sun goes down, regardless whether or not you have work. Tis the season where you travel, party at festival, attend pop-up events, gigs, BBQs or finding the best roof-top bar with the most amazing views.

I'm not going to lie, London is the best in the summer when we actually get the sun. My best memories here have always been in the summer. I always felt a lot freer, adventurous and happier. My favourite is lying in the grass with my friends in one of the many stunning parks with a bottle of wine or bottles of cider as my only sustenance until dark.

So much happens that you don't even know what to do with yourself.

That is why I have neglected my blog for awhile.

But hey, it's given me lots of stuff to write about, which is something to look forward to. I need to get back into writing. That's the thing with it, you have to discipline yourself to take the time to actually write. Doesn't matter what, as long as you keep writing.

Image by me - Flowers

Until then I send nothing but good vibes to you all.

Cheers,
xxx

Sorting My Life Out, But I'm Back Now

Song of the day: Deadbeat Girl by Day Wave

Image by me - London

The past few months have been somewhat of a challenge. I was busy applying for jobs. A hurricane of emotions. I was up, I was down, I was smiling one day, crying the next or I would be content. I relished in my freedom of unemployment. I went out and had one too many drinks.  I enjoyed cooking. I realised I'm pretty good at it once I set my mind to it. I even started writing again. I started writing and editing short stories, I even set up a new Instagram page for my shit poetry and bad illustrations. I loved it. But I realised at the end of that freedom, I was weighed down by the fact that I would be running out of money. Fast. 

I got my ass into gear. I applied for a million jobs. I typed 'Jobs. London' into Google. I wanted to know what was out there in the world. Cake assistant, receptionist, hostess, waitressing, telemarketing, recruitment, teaching...LITERALLY EVERYTHING. I had no clue what I wanted to do. Nothing. I actually even considered teaching. Me of all people on this planet? Me, who panics at the thought of giving presentations was considering teaching. Teaching actual people with my English Literature and Creative Writing degree and mould the minds of the next generation. I mean its an important and rewarding job, but I would be the worst teacher ever. It would go one or two scenarios:

Scenario One:

Me: Okay class settle down

Student: Fuck no

Me: Seriously please, this is a class, you're here to learn

Student: YOU SUCK

Me: Okay asshole get the hell out of my class and if you don't shut the fuck up next time, I'm failing you for the rest of the fucking year and I wouldn't even give a shit. I'll happily sit back and watch you fail in life and laugh while the rest of your friends are doing great things.

*Evil laugh from me*

I would be fired within an hour into my job.

Scenario Two:

Me: Okay so what are the character flaws of Shakespeare's Othello? 

*Students talking and not listening*

Me: Guys, this is really important for your exam

*Students not giving a damn*

Me: I'm going to cry now

*Off I cry, contemplate my life and have a mental breakdown*

It just wouldn't bode well for me if I decided to become a teacher.

Of course I applied for writer positions. Internships, work experience or a job if I was lucky. I mean I should do something with my degree. After some time, I got rejections or not hearing back at all, I hit a low moment. It was just an all around bad week. I woke up crying most mornings. Doubted myself as a writer and was just about ready to pack it in and leave London for good. However, my dad gave me the best advice. I woke up to a text from him after a Skype conversation the day before. I didn't even tell him how hard of a time I was going through but he seemed to know. You know how you want to prove to your parents that you're making it in life. I didn't want to worry him. But he texted me saying, 

                                     "Don't try to figure life out, it'll figure you out"

Honest to God, that was the best advice anyone had ever said to me. After, it hit me. It was like a small little flower blooming in a patch of weeds. Part of the problem was my portfolio. It hadn't been updated in years. I needed new pieces for it. I became a contributing writer for a website a few months ago, but I hadn't done anything with it yet. Now is the time to change that. So I looked up more websites that I could contribute to as well. I have a list now. The next challenge is to actually write articles for them. I even applied for this internship as a content writer for this activity holiday agency on a whim. You know what? I got it. 

After taking my dad's advice I never felt such relief. A huge burden has been lifted off me. I became less stressed and what I should do with my life started to become a lot clearer. My internship is unpaid but it's part-time and flexible. I took my old jobs back. I started working for this really nice promo agency, which I started working for last year. I only did a few shifts with them last year because I was working with other agencies at the time. So I contacted them for shifts and picked up more work with them, which I have enjoyed. I love all the people I get to work with, they're all lovely, creative and talented people. I even took up shifts in the cloakroom of the bar I used to work for because they texted me asking if I wanted it back. At least I'm making money while I do my internship. 

I am more happy with myself than I had been in months. I'm slowly able to get my life together. London has so many opportunities that it's overwhelming really. But I'm glad I'm able to find my way now after being lost in this haze of a muddled mess. I want to ride this out and see where it takes me. Plus I'm also going to Rome in three weeks so that's an adventure I'm looking forward to. So for all those stuck in the same limbo I was in, hang in there. It's worth the wait.

Cheers and sending good vibes to you all,

xxx

Welcome To Unemployment

Song of the day: Keeping Your Head Up - Birdy

Happy Chinese New Year/ Gong Xi Fa Cai to everyone across the world!

Wow two posts in one week. You lucky people.

From last Friday I have officially declared myself as unemployed. I was working in a job that I did not want. Like most people who live in big never-ending cities, the working world is split in two. The first half are actually doing something they love or are working on the verge of something they love and getting paid for it and the other half are working just to make ends meet. You're content. You're fine. But not really happy.

Image by me - Taupo, New Zealand

Don't get me wrong, I loved working my two jobs last year. It was a fun period in my life. Straight out of uni and off I dived into the world of promo and cloakroom life. Yes they're not the best jobs in the world. I mean I was handing out flyers and free samples with promo majority of the time. However with promo I did get to work at some fun music events from time to time, which made it worth doing. Then in the evening I would be taking peoples coats and bags and dealing with unpleasant drunkards in the cloakroom. Men and women of London who are drunken douchebags, seriously sort yourselves out. I don't care if you're drunk, it is no excuse to turn into horrible human beings to everyone who works within hospitality. You're not Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Anyways, those jobs paid the bills, rent, my debaucherous lifestyle at the time and also my travels. Also to top it off my jobs were incredibly flexible. But I knew I was not ready for a steady 9-5 job. It wasn't the work I enjoyed, it was the people. I have met the most incredible people last year and have made lifelong friendships. They made work tolerable. They made coming to work enjoyable. I couldn't wait to get to work at times. I would not take a damn thing back.

However after the endless drinking, parties, coming home from work at 5 in the morning, getting the first train from work or the night bus and handing out those last flyers. I realised that it's not enough. I was working a promo job the other week. It was a gym campaign. It was pouring down with rain and it just hit me. I am done. I could not do it anymore. The money is easy and it pays pretty well but that was it for me. If I didn't leave now I would be stuck.

So after I declared my unemployment last Friday, I did what had to be done. I went on a 3 day drinking bender. I drank my whole weekend and it was glorious. To be fair there was celebrations all over that weekend, my unemployment, the start of the six nations and my lovely friend's birthday. Now after the weekend I went straight into job-hunting this week.

You what I typed into Google? "Jobs. London." I wanted to see what was out there. I saw jobs for a cake shop assistant, reception work, Uber drivers and much more. The world is my playground and I can do what I want with it.  However I am not asking for stability. I am trying to get back into the thing I loved most. To write. To create. To tell stories. It may take a longer time but I have faith in the universe. I believe that if it's meant to be then it will happen. After all it is the year of the Monkey, my birth year. I'm sure fate has something nice in store for me somewhere. Until then I have to get my ass into gear and try to get there myself. It is my life and nothing can change unless I do something about it. Who knows where it'll take me? I'll keep you posted.

Sending good vibes to you all,

Cheers,
xxx

The Post-Travelling Blues #3

Barcelona PT. II ft. Tea

Song of the day: Flume - Bon Iver

Image by me - Little Streets

Let's pick up from where we left off shall we? Barcelona in the spring time is not too shabby. Its not particularly cold but then it isn't particularly hot either. Think of it as a nice cup of tea. You boil the kettle, stick a teabag in, your sugar (if you do that like I do because I love sweet things and will probably get diabetes), pour your freshly boiled water and then the milk like normal people do. Milk always comes last. I mean how can you see the colour of your tea and determine whether or not your tea is made the way you like it? Okay I realised I'm getting sidetracked here, maybe I'll do a blog post dedicated to tea and the art of tea making across the world or something I don't know.

ANYWAYS. What was my point? I had a really good point about the tea and how it's like Barcelona weather in the spring and it was very beautiful. Like a poem. It'll come back to me.

They say the best things in life are free. Since Debbie and I are low-cost people, we decided to walk around the city and do everything that we can  for free. Barcelona is a very pretty city. Filled with little paths that go into little idyllic narrow streets. It was nice to have a wander around. With artistic buildings with small balconies catered for nice big windows or doors. I kept thinking how much I wanted to live in them. Just picture waking up, sun filtering though, open the door to the balcony, chill with a tea or a cigarette and stare at the view before you start your day. It was bliss for me, and was basically what I did every morning I was there at my friend Jenny's flat.

Image by me - Hospital De Sant Pau, Barcelona

Getting back to the point. We looked up all the major sites that we can walk to and have a gawk at the splendour that awaited us. There are little information booths scattered across the centre of the city, which was handy. We grabbed a map off one them and narrowed down where to go.

We saw many beautiful buildings, a lot were designed by Gaudi of course such as La Perdrera and Parc Guell. Then there were buildings not designed by Gaudi such as Barcelona Cathedral or aka The Cathedral of the Holy Cross and Saint Eulalia. I really liked the Barcelona Cathedral. It's a massive gothic structure. I personally love gothic things. Especially gothic literature. Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is my favourite book. Go literature! So maybe that's why I was impressed by this cathedral in comparison to the other things we saw that day. The roof is cluttered and draped with little gargoyles and other little animals and creatures. Statues of saints lined across the arches. Something like Notre Dame.

We later strolled down La Rambla, which is a long street in the centre of Barcelona. It's filled with many bars, restaurants and shops. Along the way you can see the Liceu Theatre, a pretty famous opera house in Barcelona. Further down you can also see Barcelona's oldest theatre, Teatre Principal.

Image by me - Barcelona Cathedral

The long street goes towards the harbour. At this point, after a long day of walking around, Debbie and I decided to take this opportunity to find a beach and drink wine. Funnily enough, from the harbour about another 15-20 minute walk depending that you know where you're going, there's Barcelona's well-known beach, Placa de Catalunya. We managed to find the closest corner shop to the beach and bought a few bottles of wine and some crisps. IT'S SO CHEAP AND NICE. We plopped ourselves onto the beach and voila, we got drunk. Drunk on fine cheap wine, the sun and crisps. We attempted cartwheels. Well I attempted and failed like most things in my life while Debbie managed to do them flawlessly. A man was selling mojitos at 5 euros a drink. Let's just say that they looked a bit...off. They were very green in colour. Plus our bottles of wine was cheaper than that one drink. We politely declined and had a little chat with him. The man was nice enough and off he went to sell the remaining drinks he had. He came back about 20 minutes later and gave us the last two he had for free. I think he just wanted to go home. That boy was done with work for the day.

Towards the end of the day, we were drunk on the beach and after many cups of wine, watching the sun go down, rolling in the sand, talks about life and photo sessions... our phone batteries died. We had no clue how to get back. I don't know if it was sheer luck or what, but in our drunken states we managed to walk to an underground station and catch the train back to Jenny's flat.

That was the end of that day. There's more to come. Keep a look out for the next post!

Cheers

xxx

New Year, New Me? #SadCorner

Song of the day: 20 Years From Now - Clean Cut Kid

First, Happy New Year!

Chilling on Karon Beach, Phuket'15

It's 13th January 2016 in London and I'm stuck in bed. I have a doctor's appointment in exactly one hour and twenty-three minutes as I write this. So far in the new year I've struggled to get myself out of bed in the mornings. I wake up at about 7 or 8am. That's a good time. Bright and early. Eager to be a productive member of society in the world. But no. Instead, I look at myself in the mirror and see black eyes from unwiped black eyeliner, from the day before. I look to the corner of my room and see a mountain of clothes piled on top of one another. Like a clothes sandwich. There's the underwear, a few jumpers on top, some t-shirts layered on top of that and is that a dress I see? I don't remember the last time I wore a dress. Some leggings and jeans strewn across them and some socks thrown in for good measure. Layers upon layers. I see my blog and I see about five unfinished posts.

"I really should get that done" I say to myself.

But I don't. I remain in bed. It's weird. A year ago I was working constantly, writing, making plans and having fun. What happened? To be honest I don't know. I woke up in 2015 feeling like I had the whole world at my feet. But this year? I woke up feeling...the only way to describe it is empty. I feel like I've lost something within me. Maybe I'm worried that because 2015 was such an unbelievable and incredible year, I fear that this year could not measure up to that. But how can I say that? The only reason that last year was a beautiful year was because I made it so. I worked, I made an effort to do things, I decided to travel and I did things I never thought I could do like sky diving in New Zealand. I am responsible for my own happiness. See I know this. Yet here I am. I'm stuck in the never-ending cycle of...sadness. I'm not working as much as I should even though I can. I'm not writing as much as I should even though I can. I'm not as active as I should even though I can.

It's a lot of 'I can' and not of 'I am' or 'I will'. You know all those stupid positive things people say to themselves in the new year. It's been awhile since I felt like this. I forget that when there are dark days like these, it's easy to remain a mass clump in the middle of your bed and hide under the comfort of your blanket. It's like you threw yourself in a deep dark well in the middle of nowhere and there's a rope that's just out of reach but not impossible to grab onto. But the only problem is, will you bother to even try to grab that damn rope? This is where I'm stuck. I'm caught between reaching for that rope and climbing out or staying in the well and rot. Then I think, what if I get the rope then what happens? Will I make the effort to climb or remain in one place. Again it's me that's holding me back.

What a strange conundrum.

I really should take the first plunge. The first plunge out of this empty mess. Maybe today will be the day I take the first step in getting that godforsaken rope? I mean maybe I already have with this blog post.

Hell I didn't even realise that.

My doctor's appointment is in forty-one minutes. I'm sure I'll make it on time.

I guess I should leave this blog post on a happier note. Something you can take away from and even learn? I don't know. The point is...You, yourself and you only is the key to your own happiness. Yes little luxuries in life like a cup of tea, your favourite book, biscuits, the gym or people add to your happiness. But to be truly happy within yourself is only something you can do, which is something I have to learn for the moment. I'll find a remedy for this melancholy. Look I made a rhyme!

Cheers,

xxx

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The Post-Travelling Blues #2

BARCELONA PT.I

Song of the day: Barcelona - The Plastiscines

How I wish I was far away from the miserable mess that is London. Scratch that, I love London with all my heart and soul I really do. But I've caught the travel bug and I highly doubt I will be cured of it anytime soon.

I know it's been awhile since my last post. I was busy settling into normality. Back to London, back to working life, back to reality.

Debbie and I on the way to Barcelona!

Earlier this year around March/April time, I was constantly working by doing many promo shifts during the day and then working in the cloakroom at night until 3:30am. It got to a point where I was only home to sleep. It even got to a point where I couldn't remember when I last had a day off. I was exhausted. I decided to have a week off. Luckily for me, my work is pretty flexible.

So what did I do? I had money to spare so I booked flights with a good friend of mine called Debbie to Barcelona and Lisbon. Why those places?

1) I've never been to either of those places in my life
2) It was cheap
3) I have friends in both countries

You want to know how much my flights cost me? London - Barcelona - Lisbon - London was £70. Yes you read right. £70. Of course I had to book it for that price. You want to know what was even more perfect? I had a friend I could stay with in Barcelona! All around awesome badass hailing from Dungannon, Northern Ireland who goes by the name Jenny. Also my friend Debbie was from Lisbon, so we stayed at her mum's home. Accommodation was sorted. The only money we needed was to spend while we were away. If that's not travelling on a budget I don't know what is.

Barcelona, Barcelona, Barcelona where do I begin? I was there for 4 days. It was fucking great. The first thing that happened when we arrived was that we actually landed about 2 hours outside of Barcelona. Literally in the middle of fuck all nowhere. There was the airport, car park for the airport and then poof. Nothing but sand and some buildings. Cheers Ryanair. We wondered why it was so cheap. We didn't see it as a blunder in our journey, we saw it as another adventure. Plus it was warm and sunny while London was cold and raining. That was all that mattered. I mean come on we were in another country! HOW EXCITING? After attempts of poorly spoken spanish on my part before Debbie swoops in with a perfect conversation in spanish, we managed to find our way to the train station and hopped onto the right train that was headed straight for the heart of Barcelona. Spanish trains come at us! We conquered you like a pro. So far...

We stumbled off the train and found our way to an underground tube station. It was like being in London all over again. Except we got lost. This time we were the tourists that people rolled their eyes at because we couldn't fathom their gosh damn train station. You know in London I'm all, "I don't understand how you get lost. Each train has their own damn colour on the tube map, its not hard!" We had to make our way to the Sagrada Familia because my friend Jenny lived next to it. We managed to find our way and we made it to our stop. You think it was that easy? Oh no my dear friends. Just no. Don't get me wrong we got onto the right train line. Everything was smooth sailing. We saw our stop coming up. We got our stuff ready. Bam. The train missed our stop. Debbie and I looked at each other and everyone in the train kinda looked at each other all confused. After ten long seconds the train did an emergency stop. I remember laughing with Debbie, we were all, "The driver forgot to stop!" beautiful. We heard the scratching sound of the train speaker go off and the train driver said, "We are uh....having a technical difficulty."

I was cracking up so much because everyone in our train carriage had that look that they know that the train driver knows that he just messed up and forgot. We all secretly wanted you to admit it! So everyone who was meant to get off at the Sagrada Familia were forced to get off at the next stop and catch the next train going back, which we did with ease. I felt sorry for the train driver. A man in our train carriage as he got out went up to the driver door and started yelling and kicking the door with all consuming rage. Let's just say you didn't have to know spanish to understand what he was saying.

Want to know the first thing we did when we finally got to the Sagrada Familia? Apart from admiring the awesomness and beauty of the building. Our eyes saw the sweet familiar yellow M that represents... McDonalds. Yes we were starving. We realised we hadn't really eaten. Instead of savouring the exquisite and tantalising spanish cuisine Barcelona had to offer, we opted for McDonalds because we were all around tired and lazy. You know how McDonalds in every country is a little bit different? They had a chicken version of a Big Mac. Debbie and I in our hungry states thought it was the greatest creation to mankind. It was like two massive chicken nuggets with the Big Mac sauce like what? London get your shit together and start selling these bad boys. I joke, we have enough fast food chicken shops in London to last a lifetime. We don't need anymore junk food in our lives. BE HEALTHY.

The Sagrada Familia. What a beautiful unfinished building. I didn't know that the reason that it's taking so damn long for this Gaudi masterpiece to be finished was because that it's funded solely on donations from the public. We finally made it to Jenny's flat and her lovely flatmate let us in. Jenny was at uni working on her master's degree, which she has since completed! So proud of her! It was lovely to see this building from the balcony of Jenny's flat at night. All the street lights gave it a warm glow. It was different. I can't really explain why. It was just one of those moments while sipping tea while Debbie rolls a couple of cigarettes, after a long day of travelling when you just sit and think, "Wow I'm here" you know? It was a very serene moment and I soaked up every second of it.

Image by me :) - View from Jenny's balcony :)

That was the adventures of the first day. We got lost and ate McDonalds. We're shit tourists. But it was hilarious. I wouldn't take any of it back. Keep a look out for Barcelona Pt. II, which should be up soon.

Cheers,

xxx

The Post-Travelling Blues #1

Song of the day: Make It Easy On Yourself - Sivu

Being away from the hustle and bustle of the big smoke that is London for two whole months was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I laughed, I cried, I got drunk, I made new friends, I was alone, I danced, I saw breathtakingly beautiful landscapes, I met a guy, I took long walks, I wrote, I ran, I swam in rivers, I swam in the sea, I wore make up, I wore no make up, I saw the sunrise, I saw the sunset and the list goes on. I didn't have a single care in the world.

I went to Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia and New Zealand. Along the way, yes I ended up developing this thing people like to call 'feelings' for someone. Disgusting. For those who know me, the ice queen melted. She did okay. I know its been awhile but I can have feelings for someone too. Sadly for me and him, we live on complete opposite sides of the earth. We are two uncertain people set against an uncertain world. Anything can happen. So I can never say never on our story though. Just for the moment our paths won't intertwine anytime soon. However, my adventures over all was a great fucking time, which I will expand in a series of blog posts because there is so much to write.

Image by me :) - Sunset at Gili Trawangan

The only worry I had was what the fuck to do when I got home. Here I am stuck in my cosy little flat in London, in a tiny overpriced box room cluttered with books and clothes and I'm sat on my small bed set against a big window writing this. I got back last Sunday and I find that I'm struggling to settle back into routine. I mean it's good to be back home, to have a sense of normality again. Having to live in and out of a backpack, moving hostel to hostel and catching flights and buses here and there can be pretty exhausting after while.

I was so used to the thrill of living from moment to moment. It's like having twenty nicotine patches smacked on your arm along with ten shots of tequila and a few cans of red bull injected into your system. You don't know where you're going or how you're going to get there or even where you're going to sleep. Now I'm not trying to be all hippie in your face and tell you that everyone should just stop what they're doing and jet off without a plan because everyone does things differently. Travel-wise I am that kind of person who doesn't really plan her day at all, actually now that I think about it that's how I live my life. I don't follow a schedule unless its around work...or food. I just knew I was going away for two months. My flights were booked and that was it. That was the extent of my planning. As long as I didn't miss any flights I was good. It all worked out well. I actually even booked my accommodation the night before my flights. All of them were decent and reasonably cheap. For last-minute travellers out there like me, Booking.com is my saviour for accommodation and should be yours too.

Now here I am back home. Reminiscing about when I wasn't here. I have no clue what I'm meant to be doing with my life. Then again, does anyone really? I woke up at the ungodly hour of seven in the damn morning and I couldn't fall back asleep. Thank you jetlag. I feel restless. I want to be on the move again. Give me an adventure any day. Let me go whale watching. Let me look up at the stars on a clear night in the middle of nowhere. Let me be in a bar filled with strangers with different stories to tell. Let me drink tea in a mountain in Nepal. Let me go on a road-trip with no destination in mind. Just not here. I'm looking for freelance writing work so I can still have the freedom to pick up and go whenever I want and hopefully still have money rolling in so I'm not the poor writer I'm destined to be. If I can get paid to explore the world and write that would be the dream. A dream I'm sure thousands of others share. I'm checking Skyscanner constantly for cheap flights to anywhere but here. I'm thinking Iceland right now for a little getway. I think that will be pretty don't you all think?

Image by me :) - Gili Trawangan

                                 


Cheers,

xxx