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| Image by me - London |
The past few months have been somewhat of a challenge. I was busy applying for jobs. A hurricane of emotions. I was up, I was down, I was smiling one day, crying the next or I would be content. I relished in my freedom of unemployment. I went out and had one too many drinks. I enjoyed cooking. I realised I'm pretty good at it once I set my mind to it. I even started writing again. I started writing and editing short stories, I even set up a new Instagram page for my shit poetry and bad illustrations. I loved it. But I realised at the end of that freedom, I was weighed down by the fact that I would be running out of money. Fast.
I got my ass into gear. I applied for a million jobs. I typed 'Jobs. London' into Google. I wanted to know what was out there in the world. Cake assistant, receptionist, hostess, waitressing, telemarketing, recruitment, teaching...LITERALLY EVERYTHING. I had no clue what I wanted to do. Nothing. I actually even considered teaching. Me of all people on this planet? Me, who panics at the thought of giving presentations was considering teaching. Teaching actual people with my English Literature and Creative Writing degree and mould the minds of the next generation. I mean its an important and rewarding job, but I would be the worst teacher ever. It would go one or two scenarios:
Scenario One:
Me: Okay class settle down
Student: Fuck no
Me: Seriously please, this is a class, you're here to learn
Student: YOU SUCK
Me: Okay asshole get the hell out of my class and if you don't shut the fuck up next time, I'm failing you for the rest of the fucking year and I wouldn't even give a shit. I'll happily sit back and watch you fail in life and laugh while the rest of your friends are doing great things.
*Evil laugh from me*
I would be fired within an hour into my job.
Scenario Two:
Me: Okay so what are the character flaws of Shakespeare's Othello?
*Students talking and not listening*
Me: Guys, this is really important for your exam
*Students not giving a damn*
Me: I'm going to cry now
*Off I cry, contemplate my life and have a mental breakdown*
It just wouldn't bode well for me if I decided to become a teacher.
Of course I applied for writer positions. Internships, work experience or a job if I was lucky. I mean I should do something with my degree. After some time, I got rejections or not hearing back at all, I hit a low moment. It was just an all around bad week. I woke up crying most mornings. Doubted myself as a writer and was just about ready to pack it in and leave London for good. However, my dad gave me the best advice. I woke up to a text from him after a Skype conversation the day before. I didn't even tell him how hard of a time I was going through but he seemed to know. You know how you want to prove to your parents that you're making it in life. I didn't want to worry him. But he texted me saying,
"Don't try to figure life out, it'll figure you out"
Honest to God, that was the best advice anyone had ever said to me. After, it hit me. It was like a small little flower blooming in a patch of weeds. Part of the problem was my portfolio. It hadn't been updated in years. I needed new pieces for it. I became a contributing writer for a website a few months ago, but I hadn't done anything with it yet. Now is the time to change that. So I looked up more websites that I could contribute to as well. I have a list now. The next challenge is to actually write articles for them. I even applied for this internship as a content writer for this activity holiday agency on a whim. You know what? I got it.
After taking my dad's advice I never felt such relief. A huge burden has been lifted off me. I became less stressed and what I should do with my life started to become a lot clearer. My internship is unpaid but it's part-time and flexible. I took my old jobs back. I started working for this really nice promo agency, which I started working for last year. I only did a few shifts with them last year because I was working with other agencies at the time. So I contacted them for shifts and picked up more work with them, which I have enjoyed. I love all the people I get to work with, they're all lovely, creative and talented people. I even took up shifts in the cloakroom of the bar I used to work for because they texted me asking if I wanted it back. At least I'm making money while I do my internship.
I am more happy with myself than I had been in months. I'm slowly able to get my life together. London has so many opportunities that it's overwhelming really. But I'm glad I'm able to find my way now after being lost in this haze of a muddled mess. I want to ride this out and see where it takes me. Plus I'm also going to Rome in three weeks so that's an adventure I'm looking forward to. So for all those stuck in the same limbo I was in, hang in there. It's worth the wait.
Cheers and sending good vibes to you all,
xxx
